Fata morgana (Wie bitte!?)

What is the whole history about the river, the case full of gold, the quiz show, the piranhas, etc, etc,etc. Well is a metaphor (have you ever heard?) or I would even dare to say is a parable (have a look at Wikipedia.org if you don't get the difference), 'cause I was like Jesus in the middle of the desert with the only difference I couldn't resist the temptation, oh boy!

Ok it was not really humble comparing me with such a holy well known figure so I shall amend and say that I didn't manage to cross the swamp without getting stains, is better so?

Everything was going quite right and quiet, no upsets, no turbulences, no existential crisis, no self destroying feelings not even a hobby! Too good to be truth, isn't it? Well it was no truth but a fata morgana (oh come on, just look at wikipedia.org and stop asking me stupid questions!). The supposed normal life was not really so normal and I realised it until I've seen the shining gold coins laying in the deep and the excitement was so big that I decided to spring off the boat without

thinking that it was possible to use a net and get the fucking coins without missing the boat! Don't you get the message yet? Well: I could have enjoyed the gay-being-thing without given up my former life, I mean coming out without jumping in an empty pool. I was a successful student, I had succeeded in joining the foreign service in México (yes sir, I was a diplomat for 15 years), I had done some interesting research work during those years (about international politics, mexican foreign policy, etc) and my work was appreciated from many of my superiors as well as from some of my colleagues. I was doing it pretty good. Was it an intelligent decision? Well no for sure, it was completely emotional and irrational combined with

adverse circumstances at the moment (the first really hard conflict during my carrier with a fucking bitch that was my superior in that time who managed to cause me such damages that it would take me years to recover my "carrier").

The fact is that I had enjoyed so much the gay life during the years in the foreign service in Europe that I (stupidly) thought everything would be washed away if I leave Europe (as it could only be possible to be gay in

Europe, nonsense!). I didn't want to give the gold coins back so I just saw the

boat going away and kept the heavy case.

You may be thinking "Honey dont give me that shit, you are contrtadicting yourself. You first said you didn't give the fuck for your past and now you are saying it was everything right and then you runied it, that means you're being nostalgic. Go away!!". Well not exactly, let me explain it...but in the next post, this one is getting toooooooo long. It's time for a coffe break.