Paréntesis cinematográfico

Don't miss Lars von Trier's film "ANTICHRIST", one of the most impressive, impacting and deepest films this year, really exciting (not for faintly spirits or "rosy bubble world" addicts).

Photography and camera are excellent, light and colors are fluid they hypnotize the audience. And of course Dafoe and Gainsbourg, what an extraordinary couple!!

Fata morgana (Wie bitte!?)

What is the whole history about the river, the case full of gold, the quiz show, the piranhas, etc, etc,etc. Well is a metaphor (have you ever heard?) or I would even dare to say is a parable (have a look at Wikipedia.org if you don't get the difference), 'cause I was like Jesus in the middle of the desert with the only difference I couldn't resist the temptation, oh boy!

Ok it was not really humble comparing me with such a holy well known figure so I shall amend and say that I didn't manage to cross the swamp without getting stains, is better so?

Everything was going quite right and quiet, no upsets, no turbulences, no existential crisis, no self destroying feelings not even a hobby! Too good to be truth, isn't it? Well it was no truth but a fata morgana (oh come on, just look at wikipedia.org and stop asking me stupid questions!). The supposed normal life was not really so normal and I realised it until I've seen the shining gold coins laying in the deep and the excitement was so big that I decided to spring off the boat without

thinking that it was possible to use a net and get the fucking coins without missing the boat! Don't you get the message yet? Well: I could have enjoyed the gay-being-thing without given up my former life, I mean coming out without jumping in an empty pool. I was a successful student, I had succeeded in joining the foreign service in México (yes sir, I was a diplomat for 15 years), I had done some interesting research work during those years (about international politics, mexican foreign policy, etc) and my work was appreciated from many of my superiors as well as from some of my colleagues. I was doing it pretty good. Was it an intelligent decision? Well no for sure, it was completely emotional and irrational combined with

adverse circumstances at the moment (the first really hard conflict during my carrier with a fucking bitch that was my superior in that time who managed to cause me such damages that it would take me years to recover my "carrier").

The fact is that I had enjoyed so much the gay life during the years in the foreign service in Europe that I (stupidly) thought everything would be washed away if I leave Europe (as it could only be possible to be gay in

Europe, nonsense!). I didn't want to give the gold coins back so I just saw the

boat going away and kept the heavy case.

You may be thinking "Honey dont give me that shit, you are contrtadicting yourself. You first said you didn't give the fuck for your past and now you are saying it was everything right and then you runied it, that means you're being nostalgic. Go away!!". Well not exactly, let me explain it...but in the next post, this one is getting toooooooo long. It's time for a coffe break.

The mess, in good german: der Mist

You may be asking yourself why the gay-being-thing (resuming our former posts and main theme of the blog) is the reason for the whole mess and very probably your're thinking "look there have been millions of gays in the world along history and they haven't done such a shit like you, many of them have been even successful. There is no excuse young man, no mercy for the weak souls!". Oh thanks a lot for the "young man" thing, I very appreciate!

Well I have to admit you're right and that's exactly my point guys: it is not fair that my-being-gay-thing has caused such a mess when actually there is no reason for it. I could have been a very common normal gay with a fitness club membership, frequent flyer in Easy Jet, discount card for all Clinique products and receive regularly the Calvin Klein catalog for the summer collection instead of having a tempestuous life. That's why I'm asking

for a second chance, is not big deal. Hey this is not fucking "Deutschland such den Superstar" thumbs up or down and Tschüß! So hold the shit and give me just a few minutes to explain my self.

Try to imagine you are rowing along a river and suddenly you see in the deep a case full of gold coins. Question: what do you do?

A) You inform it to the police (the river is in Haiti);

B) You ask the passengers on the boat next to you if the case belongs to them (they are Putin's body guards);

C) You take immediately your Blackberry phone out and take a picture to up-load it in your recently created blog (in www.Alqaida.com).

TIC-TAC-TIC-TAC-TIC-TAC-TIC-TAC-TIC-TARARARARAAA!!!!

And the right answer is: you just throw away the fucking oar and jump in the water to pick up the fucking case!!!!!!!! Who could resist such a temptation? OkOkOkOkOk, who else as well as Mother Theresa? Certainly not you dearest reader :-)))))))

The problem is when you come back to the surface the boat is not anymore there, the stream has taken the bloody boat away so you have to drag the heavy case full of gold coins to the river bank,

but you happen to be in the middle of the widest part of the river, a water fall area is approaching, the damn stream has become stronger than it was few minutes ago (just to kick you in the balls) and the piranhas haven't eaten in the last three days . Disgusting isn't it?

Don't miss the next chapter fellows!

Bad habits

Why, why, why, why????? Yes why is it that I NEVER read the instructions when something new comes to my hands!? Damn! I've been trying for 2 months to insert the images in the text without messing up the text. It was quite simple: I just had to click any of the 3 options in the "Add image" button: right, center, left. I'm such a bad example for all those ones who want to become a german citizen. A good german would read all the instructions and directions and then, not before, would this person dare to type a character in a blog, not to mention the risky job of including a PICTURE (panic X n) in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that I have lernt how to insert pics I can go on with my Berlin second chance story. But please before we continue our tour along my miserable past it is very important to make something clear: don't misunderstand me when I get ironic about the german guys. They are really nice people, friendly and very correct, they would never betray you nor pull your leg, they are as we say in spanish "de una pieza", Vollkommen (a really beautiful word to mean that something is perfect or ideal). I have to say it loud that during my "Einburgerungsantrag" (germanification:-) they were absolutely friendly and helpful, they even called me to advise me in some issues to optimize the process of naturalization and were always very flexible with deadlines for documents delivery and appointments.

It is just that I have the awful habit of making fun about people and being cynical. So german guys, if one day you read this shit (what I sincerely doubt) don't take me serious at all, is just my big mouth,you are KLASSE no doubt about it!!

Día de muertos! / Guten Tag Totentag?

Well guys, today after a really long break I decided to resume my blog (nobody has red the shit until now but who cares, it makes some fun) because today is a very special day, or I should rather say a very mexican day (more mexican than the 15th of September):

día de muertos!! YES!!

Since it is a post about a mexican issue that actually only the mexicans can understand I will write it in spanish because neither the germans nor any other foreigner would get the fuck about it!

El dia de muertos en Berlín no existe o mejor dicho en el norte de Alemania no existe, en este ámbito protestante la muerte no tiene cabida, no forma parte de la vida cotidiana y en general se actúa como si no fuera el destino inevitable de cada persona, no encaja dentro de los estándares de perfección deseados. En Berlín el 1 y 2 de Noviembre no son feriados (en el sur de Alemania sí) Desde el ano 2000 éste ha sido uno de los muchos choques culturales que he tratado de superar sin mucho éxito. El horror y el rechazo a la muerte que imperan en Berlín rayan en lo anormal, sin mencionar la cara de espanto que ponen cuando se hacen bromas o se ironiza con respecto a la muerte. En una ocasión hace muchos anos le ensené a una buena amiga brasilena una calavera de azúcar con mi nombre y se rió por un buen rato; lo mismo hice con una persona en Berlín y como primera reacción me preguntó si yo padecía en ese momento una depresión; después de que le "expliqué" que es una tradición, blablabla...pasó a la parte académico-antropológica para enfrentar con toda seriedad el tema, desde entonces no le he vuelto a ensenar mi pinche calavera a nadie en Berlín que por cierto ya se perdió, hoy la busqué para refrescar recuerdos y no apareció por ningún lado (la habrá tomado en secreto el antropólogo espontáneo para profundizar sus estudios?)

En fin, lo esencial es que me hace mucha falta el día de muertos de México con olor a copal, color naranja, sabor ahumado y corrientes de aire.(No compré calabaza este ano porque el precio está por los cielos: más de 3 euros el kilo!!!!!!

Me fui de espaldas)

Pero calma! Este es solamente un paréntesis cultural-sentimental (tal vez porque acaba de pasar mi cumpleanos me puse un poco nostálgico). No he olvidado el tema central del blog: porqué me atrevo a pedir una segunda vuelta desde Berlín?

Por cierto, me agradó mucho la idea de escribir nevamente en mi propio idioma así que en adelante seré menos estricto con la consideración hacia los no-hispanoparlantes (bien pueden aprender espanol como yo aprendí inglés o alemán) además de que nadie está leyendo esta jalada así que da igual en qué idioma escriba.

En el próximo post seguiremos adelante con nuestro tema, no se lo pierdan!

Marathon smoke dreams

Wieder da! I'm here once again after a long break because of lack of time as well as of concentration, the marathon weekend and one school group after the other are reason enough not to keep the head on your shoulders, anyway it was nice. Our dear Haile has won the first price once again

ad and the city has enjoyed the marathon euphoria in a wonderful late summer weekend, so warm and sunny that the marathon runners for sure had NOT really appreciated!

But why is it that generally those few skinny african guys manage to win the marathon against thousands of europeans? Well the answer may be really simple as well as delightful: the skinny africans are used to run for their lives, meanwhile the europeans are used to sit in a waiting-room to receive their social assistance. Life can be so simple!!

I can imagine you are asking yourself if I have run the marathon, well the answer is simple: NO FUCKING WAY! Running has never been my speciality , why the hurry? I admit it seems to be big fun to run the marathon and every year when I watch the runners on the Ku'damm I feel tempted to do it some day in my life, but then I think that day would be very probably the last day of my worthless life so there is no point to risk even such a meaningless existence. I better keep watching every year the marathon from the sidewalk of the Ku'damm, cheering up the runners and listening the music. There is no harm in it, is there?

To be brief: I'm on the track again to continue the main issue of this blog: why a second chance? I'm aware nobody is reading this shit but I'll keep writting anyway, may be one day by accident someone opens it and drops some dirty comments or tastless jokes, who knows. For that reason I have to write in order not to disapoint the potential improbable intruders of my blog!

Messing around

But wait a moment no so fast! Before going on with the "second chance thing", we have to clear out why do I dare to ask for it or better said why do I affirm that it was a big shit in the past.

I was born with really good chances in a middle class family in Mexico City, what is considered a real privilege (although I don't quite understand why because actually millions of people in Mexico are born in a middle class family to disapoint the europeans and americans who like to think that in Mexico everybody is born in a slum far away from the western civilisation living in caves, trees or abandoned containers). Let me begin with the educational aspect: private kindergarten located in a very nice art-deco district of the city, in a little charming house (replica of Heidi's cottage) with a beautiful garden managed by very nice chic ladies of a wealthy family with good maners and streng character

(with a noticeable affection for the german culture by the way) well skilled to oppress disobedient children (as they used to do with their owns). Elementary, secundary and high school in private catholic schools,twelve years of over protected classrooms, well dressed good smelling classmates, fenced yards to keep out strange people; the world could only be BEAUTIFUL!!

Of course holidays in Acapulco, Zihuatanejo, Disneyland and the unavoidable two months english summer course in Cambridge after six years in a private english academy supported by the British Council in Mexico. Could you ask for anythig better? Well yes it is always possible to get more and more, but I have to admit that it was really good even better than the average, no reason to complain about!

Don't forget the university please! Ok it was a public one but it was the best public one: Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México, wonderful! It was a really brilliant carrier, the best notes, lauded from many teachers, popular among students, graduated with a brilliant exam. Those were four wonderful years!

Grown up in an extremely normal family, so fucking normal that it could be even considered abnormal: no divorced parents neither even for a while separated, no relatives with drugs or alcohol problems, no hippies/punks/rastas/darkies/or similars, no antisocial brothers, no pregnant sisters at 16, no rock bands in the garage, no grandparents in a psichiatrical clinic, not even the minor signal of a possible social disfunction, nada, nichts, niente, rien!

It was the perfect enviroment for the "mexican dream" (yes there is something like that, not only the americans have "standard dreams").

So you may be asking what could have gone wrong? Hummm...missing something? Have you read here something like "successful among girls...gratifying normal sexual life...charming playboy...lovely beautiful girlfriend in the highschool years". Well guess what: I'm gay, that's the answer!

(To be contiued...!!!!!!)

At the beginning was nothing

Look guys I'm going to write (or try to write) this blog in english although it's not my mother tongue, anyway I want people in Mexico (my home land), Germany and some other countries to read it. If I do it in spanish I would be excluding the german readers, since I live in Berlin and I have become a german citizen (on July 15 of 2009), I don't want to leave the germans away. My english is everything but perfect, anyway I will manage to make myself clear and some times I will dare to write also in spanish and even in german, and very probably I will mix more than once english and german, so please be patience and tolerant while reading!

"At the beginning was nothing" is for me the proper title for the first post of this blog not just because it is the beginning of something completely new, but also because of the issue of this blog. Don't worry it's nothing terrible or subversive, is just that I feel I'm beginning from zero or better let's say I would like this moment to be my "ground zero", the destruction of something previous and the creation of something new.

Why? Because if I were given the opportunity to write my "memoires" right now I wouldn't be able to write even a simple fucking line! Because there is nothing I would like to remember and print on the paper, I would prefer rather to forget all the shit I have done in the past. Wouldn't it be great if we were given a second chance in a certain moment of our lives? Well that's what I'm trying to do in this very moment, to get my second chance an rearrange my life from the beginning. How? Keep reading!