Do the right thing!

Please guys, the few friendly beloved ones who're reading this blog, go to this link and answer the quizz (only 6 questions). It will help bringing food for the hungry ones all over the world!

http://gifts.wfp.org/quiz/?lead_source=fbshare-wfp-quiz

Thank you!!

Enough

I'm so fucking depressed. Last tuesday was my 50th brithday what a fucking big deal. I've left a lot behind me and have nothing before me. Does it make fucking sense to keep living? My life sucks. I'm a shame for my own little child. At my age my father had gathered success in life, he had managed to build a wonderful house in Francisco Sosa in Coyoacán, one of the most prestigious streets in México City, he had paid private schools for three children and had given his wife almost everething she wanted. I'm not able to pay my fucking little debts. I wouldn't be able to pay my son a private school, I can't afford a dentist that I badly need, I probably won't be by my sister's for this fucking damn Christmas to her disappointment cause I have not fucking enough money to pay a damn train or cheap flight ticket. Is that a life?

I don't do any intelectual work any more, I just sit at a desk like any cheap fucking receptionist. I get no respect from customers, they think I'm a damn shit employee whit -10 IQ. May be they are right. Who would give up a wonderful diplomat job to be hotelière? Only a fucking asshole like me!

So tell me is there any fucking reason to celebrate my fucking 50th birthday? NO WAY!!

I hope I die before 60! Who cares no body is reading this shit, I'm so fucking boreing.

I can't believe it! I have a new follower, the fourth one! That's really awesome.

Hey Kelsie Mortimer thank you. I guess you have some links to Mexico since you know the dia de muertos. Well it's an honour to have a new fresh follower. I will try my best to keep this blog up dated so all my four dear followers keep reading it.

I only have to add that the damned color tool is not working any more, so my texts won't be so "bunt" as they say in german. But as you have already realised I have found the way to put some color on it: just copy the color text from Word!

By the way Kelsie, pity I din't know about you before my weding in Berlin in 2001, you would have done wonderful pictures of it!

At last!

Yeah! At last someone has already insulted me on youtube for beeing openly gay in the video produced by Canal 11 TV. The author is "jradetzky" and has called me FAG. It feels wonderful!

Interesting the color tool is not working, that means in the future my texts will be only black and white :-/

Just give me a second...

Please be patient I'm kind of busy right now, I can't manage to write any text. In the meanwhile you can entertain yoursefl watching this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoRZuB1ZN_E

It was on TV in Mexico, the second part is about me :-)))

Have fun and in case you leave any critic in youtube don't be too strenght !!

I'll be back soon with a new text.

What hurts the most?

So guys I will appreciate your valuable help to answer this question:

What hurts the most?

a) That your blog has become so fucking boreing that nobody drops a line;

b) That you have run out of "inspiration" (it means the skill to write any shit on this blog whatever it is);

c) The fact that you are loosing interest in the bloody blog 'cause nobody is interested in it (something you had already expected);

d) A lethal combination of all three above mentioned issues.

The answer is: WHO THE FUCK CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know what are you thinking: Sweety stick your stupid questions in your queer ass, it's your own fucking business whatever happens to your damn blog, and go fucking away , I'm bussy doing something better than answering your stupid questions! You get it?? Well indeed I get it, any way curious as I may be I just wanted to know your opinion about this fact, but don't worry I've got the message and I promisse stop asking questions (at least in this post).

So I may resume one of my former posts here in this blog when I was just...

Oh shit, you're such a jerk mate, it's a nightmare!!!!

No wait, give me a couple of lines and you'll see is not so bad this time

Oohhh...what the hell you dumbass, just go ahead but please this time BE brief!

Iwill, I promise. So I may resume Jesus sake you have already said that!!!!!! The point is that I was blaming the fact of being gay for messing up my whole life and then it seemed to be a contradiction when in my first post I was saying I wanted to erase the whole past and then a few posts ahead I was sounding a little nostalgic of my past hum, so...? Well I have to clear it out.

Indeed everything was going OK until my coming out day, from that moment on everything got weird, odd and confused. Was it necessary to mess it up? Actually no, but it happened, or better to say I did it. And here is it that my whole blog comes to a coherent point I'm damn dying to hear it I want to get rid of the past confusion: good and bad, the beginning of a carrer and the mess caused by a fag, the looses and the profits of that mess, ups and downs, I just want to make tabula rasa of the past Oh the genius speaks french! and concentrate only on the present situation without thinking that there was a past no matter how good or bad it was, only the current present should have a meaning. That's it, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT!!!

So, do I get my second chane or do I get my second chance?

Dude get a life, I have to twitt fucking Lady Gaga, see you...

I know

I know I've been so fucking lazy last days but I'm not really in the mood right now. Sorry to disappoint you guys. Have a nice day.

Where are my manners!

My God I have forgotten to give the warmest welcome to my third follower rodriguitobonito.

Feel at home mate and thank you for adding me in your blogs list!

Just try to imagine...

Yes, exactly as John Lennon had suggested many years ago "imagine", yap...try to imagine how would it be if you were given the chance to have two parallel lives in two different space dimentions. You would be able to keep the chances and advantages of each one and you could also be able to compensate the inconveniences of one with the benefits of the other one, so you would always keep a balance between both of them. None of them would be free of problems but these would be definitely easier to solve and manage. You could live in two different places of your choice and keep the company of your dearest ones, beeing free to keep moving ahead without loosing them. You would never be completely alone and you would be always by yourself at the same time. In one of them you would have a job with profits and in the other one you would have a job with fun; of course you would be allowed to open credit lines from one dimension to the other at reasonable rates. Not convincing enough yet? OK try this one: you would have the right to use the "clause of interfering" what gives you the faculty to influence the facts and issues of one life from the other one on your own convenience; by using this clause you would get rid of your detractors and take the best chances in each life with the assistance of the parallel one. Which jerk would say NO to such a wonderful opportunity?

OOOOOHHH!!! Not you moron, go away and feed your birds like Mary Popins did, leave me alone! Why do always these catholic folks keep ruining the party? Why always the sacrifice and devotion mentality that forces us to accept our damned fucking lives as a gift of God for good or for bad waiting for a better eternal life after leaving this "valley of tears"? I have not intention, or better say "had" no intention to wait until kicking the bucket to begin enjoying my miserable existence!! But... why it has already happened! God bless my shitty misery and when I am in heaven I hope I get a room with a view to the Tiergarten exactly to the area where all the good looking guys do their fitness and let my room mate be Eric Bana in his 30's,

otherwise the whole sacrifice would be drained away...Mensch! (look translation for "Mensch" in http://dict.leo.org)

How does it feel? Don't know!

Ok guys here is the good news: since yesterday May 4 of 2010 at 10:30 AM I'm father of a healthy boy, 3,5kg weight , rather quiet, very hairy and red as a beetroot, until now not really communicative but very sleepy.

I can't say how does it feel to be father, the whole thing is still too strange and irreal for me: is it true that I'm a father and that little "redskin" is my son? I can't believe it yet. Does he look like me now? Nay! May he change and have my looks? Yea! Is that Ok? NV.

I just could touch him with my finger tips because I've an awful cold since last week end, so I couldn't take the little one in my arms but my friend did it and he was really moved and excited (I mean my friend, not the baby, this one staid cool). I enjoyed to see they get both on well. Question: what roll is going to play my friend ? Uncle, best second man, tutor, baby sitter? Hhmm, let's say he will be the "joker" in the game! That will be quite convenient for all!

The poor mother was exhausted -a girl from Munich rooted in Berlin with her russian girlfriend- and had intense pains every single time she moved, the birth was a really hard experience although she is a very brave woman.

The baby ignored me the whole time, he didn't even noticed the flowers we brought him, he just wanted to sleep and made a grimace of disgust when we took a picture of him, definitely he dislikes paparrazzis, he's a real star.

What's next? Well first of all I have to realise that I'm a father, it is not a chimera, it is a fact of 3,5 Kg, black hair and red face. Fairy tales become from time to time true, I happen to be lucky bastard Geppetto.

And after that, well I have to wait until the mother is fit again and then we decide about a name. (The catholic calender celebrates on May 4 Saint Ricardo, Gotardo, Venerio, Nancto, Peregrino, Paulino and Florian, really crazy names but I guess the boy will not enjoy any one of them when he is older). The rest will be a question of time and daily life.

Alive

Don't worry, I'm still alive! I've survived the 1st of May in Kreuzberg, must say the Oranienstrasse was really peaceful.

The Birthday Party was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The end of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a long tradition in Berlin that the 1st of May celebration in the borough of Kreuzberg

-specifically the area between Moritzplatz and Kottbusertor- gets really crazy rather violent, with casualties and some times even a couple of deaths. Due to the increasing presence of the extreme right groups in some areas around the city that also organise marches in the city on the 1st of May, the situation has developed quite unpleasent in areas like Kreuzberg, Friedrichshain and some streets of Prenzlauerberg. But the heart of the barricades has always been the "Moritz-Kotty belt" along the Oranienstrasse or little Istanbul.

Extreme right groups and left oriented groups crash every year with increasing violence, not to mention the ones that only want to enjoy raising hell around the city during that date taking advantage of the confusion. All this mess is what the berliner proudly call "die Krawallen" and they consider them the "quintessence" of the city. I really don't agree with the whole thing but I don't want to begin a debate about the real sense of the 1st of May quite more serious and meaningfull than die Krawallen, I simply can't see what the old '68 berliner left finds so great about destroying every 12 months a whole area of the city just for the fun of it causing damages not to the capitalist or the facist -as they pretend- but to the small people who live and work in the Oraninestrasse and every year lose a bunch of money reparing their little stores and coffee shops to maintain their families.

Any way that's not my issue in this blog. The thing is that exactly on this 1st of May I will be in the Oraninestrasse Nr. 162 in the "Max und Moritz" beer house celebrating my friend's 50th birthday, only a few meters away from Moritzplatz direction to Kottbusertor. I only have 48 hours before the end of the world!

It seems pretty stupid to celebrate a birthday party on the 1st of May in the Oranienstrasse but fact is that there was no alternative since Leopold (the birthday's boy) was born exactly on the 1st of May, it was not possible to celebrate one day earlier or later, or one week earlier or later, because most of the guests are coming from Austria (why Leopold is austrian!) they have the 1st of May free and they have to drive back home no later than Sunnday the 2nd of May.

But let's try to keep some optimism and say that I will manage to shaw Leopold his birthday's present before we all pass away in the middle of the Krawallen this very Saturday. The present is a short video with an animation about his life (not a biography or something like that). I hope he will enjoy it and, who knows, may be you enjoy it too if you click the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ww9n76iFNY

I must warn you that if you are living in Germany you won't be able to see it because it is banned due to some copy rights stuff, but if you are aborad probably you will see it. And if you don't hear any more about me...you know where I have spent the last minutes of my life...

The definition of tired

Do you know the definition of "tired"? Or let's put it in this way: do you know my definition of "tired"? Well here it comes: tired is the physical and psychical condition you get in when you realise that your stupid life has reached the point of no return and from there on everything will get only worse and all chances to get a little bit better are definitely and absolutely excluded.

When you get into such a condition you are aware that everything you've done in the past was useless and that everything you do for the future will be exactly so uselss, your whole life was and will be a waste of energy.

The ballance of risks and chances didn't really work in an optimal way, and the constellation of oportunities and decisions was not the ideal one, or let's say the fair one. When you're going through a mobbing situation you are not fit to take the most reasonable decisions, exactly as when you drive on an awful narrow road and you take the wrong exit in your anxiety to find a wider road but the engineers had messed up the construction and it happens to be a going-no-where exit; of course you want to reverse but, baby dearest, since it is a very messy road you are now sinking in the mud, so you only

have two options: stay for ever in the car or take out your shoes and keep going on the stinking mud knowing you are walking all along the aimless road!

I'm sure you are saying yourself right now "What the hell! All this shit is nothing more than a self pity weepy-fag exageration, pfuagh!!" well sorry tough macho /domina guys, maybe it is a blody exageration but anyway believe me when you are in this mood there is no way to see things in any objective manner. Or do you happen to be immune to weakness? HA!

But as cheerfull as I always try to be I will not finish this post without pointing out at least one positive fact and it is that I'm really happy to find out that there is a SECOND FOLLOWER reading my blog!!! My fans are multiplying!! I love you Despina, whoever you are, big hugs!

Aren't these really good news in the middle of the slum? Even in the hell shines the sun from time to time :-))))))))

Dedicated to Paul, my faithful reader

Hi Paul my dear! I was absent for a long time I know, please forgive me. The begining of 2010 has been everything but joyful for me: lots of personal and professional problems (they always come together, I guess they are twins). Anyway things begin to see clearer out but still no reason to be over-optimist, let's say that the fire in hell is at middle low grade and not any more at full flame, that's an advantage isn't it? Even though I was not writing my blog I have been thinking the whole time of it and its main issue: the way my life has really developed and the way I actually wanted to develop it...mate I can only tell you: night and day or rather water and oil.

But hey, lets make no "wall of lamentations" out of this blog and rather focus on the chances and the many not-so-bad-things that sorround me. You know what they say: "Get a life or fuck off!"

"I don't know why but I'm feeling so sad..."

Actually I DO know why (sorry Billie Holiday), it's as usual a silly situation due to my lack of concentration as well as my stubbornness. Since I'm living in Berlin, have my own small business in Berlin, my friend lives and works in Berlin, I pay taxes in Germany and I have to accept all the rules and laws of Germany, I decided for practical reasons to get the german citizenship, so I got my german passport in July 2009. As the german authorities explained me I'm "german" in Germany, in the whole European Union and all over the world except in Mexico because for Mexico I'm still a mexican citizen due to a double nationality agreement between both countries, what I find quite reasonable and convenient. I KNOW I'm mexican and I'll be mexican forever no matter what kind of passport I have! I have no problem with that. But the conflict situation comes now that I'm going to Mexico for the first fortnight of February 2010. My mexican passport has already expired so I was this month of January to renew my passport at the Mexican Consulate and it happens that my new, quite modern photometrical (or whatever) super safe passport will be ready not before the second week of February! That means I'll be ASHAMED of myself and travel to Mexico with a german passport instead of a mexican passport, I want to die!!!

Not that I think that the german citizenship is a shame, please don't missunderstand me, nothing like that. But the fact that as mexican I travel to my own country with a foreigner passport is for me just completely embarrassing!! I can imagin the custom authorities looking at my passport and then looking at me with despecting gaze "what the fuck with this blody ass...is he ashamed of being mexican?" oh my God such a scandal, I can't bear it. Qué pena penita pena.

But I have to admit it was all my fault, I knew my passport had already expired but I didn't pay proper attention and I didn't go before to the Consulate, I've just waited until the last moment (as usual) to apply for a new one. I thought it would be a matter of a couple of days but since we have the super-safe-electronic-photometric passports it takes about a month to get a new one! So I have to travel in my own country as a foreigner, outch!

At last!!!!!!

Someone has red my blog that's amazing! Thank you Paul you're my hero mate. Keep reading and even write some comments I don't care if they are friendly, destructive, insulting, interesting, what ever. Oh boy I still can't believe it, I have a reader!!!!!!!!!!

(double happiness)

This is really important, never give it up

When you don't even have the right to talk about whatever you are feeling or thinking (without hurting or defaming anyone) you are shit or beeing handled like shit, so be careful take care it doesn't happen to you and take the proper steps to avoid it, you can always find your way out of such a situation. Once the very famous and

intelligent mexican singer Chavela Vargas, asked in an interview what would she wise the young generation she answered: "Never ever give up your freedom, it is the most precious thing you

have. But the price you have to pay for it is the solitude". So it's up to you! Life is made up of hard decisions as well as big rewards.

Business as usual...

Ok another year has just passed away and another one has just begun but nothing, absolute nothing has changed, so what was the stress to celebrate new year's eve?